Lately, I haven't been writing.
After last month's episode with depression amongst other things, I've pushed writing aside for a while. I don't feel like I've been writing anything worth while. In fact, I don't feel like I can. And that, when my dream since early on in high school has been to write, seems like a horrible thought to consider. However, that thought has driven me to do some deep thinking on why I feel that way.
The answer is simple. My writing isn't perfect. It takes a long time for me to create something anywhere near perfection, and I don't like to spend time. I like things to be as they ought to be right from the start. I don't believe in first drafts. I believe in final copies. And, for the longest time, I have allowed those sorts of thoughts to run my writing life. The funny thing is, I am wrong.
When I write something, I leave it sit for a while. Then I come back to read it again. And, you know what? I almost always find errors, there is always something that I want to change, and by the time I'm done reading over that piece, I don't feel like I'm cut out to be a writer. I feel awful. I feel like I've spent hours or even days working on something that is absolutely worthless because it isn't perfect and it isn't final draft material. And, usually, I end up having to battle the urge to throw it away.
Most of the time, I keep whatever it is that I wrote, so that I might use it as a reference for what not to do later. But, eventually, I wind up thinking back to this blog and to things I've already told you.
In
Writing Tips: Top Of Your Game, I mentioned that believing you are at the top of your game is one of the biggest mistakes a writer can make. Perfection, after all, is absolutely unreachable - and until you're there, you're not at the top of your game.
So if I am reaching for perfection, why do I even try?
Honestly? I keep trying because there's something that's been tumbling around in my head for a while now.
There is an old phrase that I would like to draw your attention to.
Practice makes perfect.
It's a phrase that has been around a long time. I've heard it more times than I can count, and I'm betting that some of you have heard it before, too. As far as I'm concerned, that phrase is false... but I do understand why it is worth repeating over and over again.
Many people have a habit of striving for perfection, but many also have a habit of giving up when something looks impossible or when it doesn't come out right the first time.
That phrase, that one short string of words, can make people do something quite amazing. It can make people try again. That phrase can make someone keep reaching higher and higher for something unattainable. And while I don't necessarily believe that phrase is fair (after all, it gets hopes up), even I can see what it does for people.
You will never be perfect. What you're writing - or, for that matter, anything you are working on - will never be perfect. But as long as you keep practicing, as long as you have something like that little phrase to drive you forward, you will get better.
So keep working on whatever it is that you're working on. Continue trying. Keep practicing.
I keep these sorts of thoughts in my head, and they very are important to me.
Perfection does not exist. Near perfection takes a great deal of time, and even that cannot be reached without practicing. So, even if it seems like a waste of time, set time aside to practice. Give yourself the space to work on improving and don't let that space make you feel incompetent.
You can be great, if only you have the courage to continue and the peace of mind to not fret over the hours spent doing 'worthless' things (like trying).
